det känns som om alla trådar som håller fast mig, som gör mig till vem jag är, som håller mig på rätt plats i världen, har kapats av, en efter en. nu svävar jag omkring fritt, utan fäste, ingen aning om var jag ska ta vägen, var jag kommer att hamna.

klockan är 01.27, och jag undrar vafan jag håller på med… det här är inte rätt väg att gå.

I will miss you.

I want to play don’t wait forms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I want to run in fields, paint the kitchen
And love someone
And I can’t do any of that here, can I?

First train home, I’ve got to get on it

Imogen Heap - First Train Home

det finns tillfällen då man vet, vet vad man behöver, vet vad som är bäst.

time to move on… and it’s not even that painful anymore.

okey, maybe i lied, it’s painful, but less painful now than it would have been a while ago. but i don’t know you, i never get closer to you, you never let me in…

personligt rekord på jobbet idag: grät två gånger innan klockan 11. trött. less. ligger på minus lite för ofta numera. det finns ljuspunkter, men de är för få. orkar snart inte riktigt hålla ihop. vill bryta ihop, sjunka ner och aldrig komma upp till ytan.

världens sämsta förmiddag.

faller, snubblar. drar djupa andetag. sträcker mig efter något som inte är inom räckhåll. orkar allt mindre. fokuserar på att andas.

Tre jobb jag har haft:

1) Dela ut reklam
2) Klädbutik
3) Support

Tre platser jag har bott på:

1) Hemma i huset
2) Umeå
3) Irland

Tre saker jag gillar att se på TV:

1) Grey’s Anatomy
2) L Word
3) Alias/Gossip Girl/O.C/sånt

Tre favoriträtter:

1) Renkött, lagat av pappa
2) Kycklingrullar med röd pesto och fetaost (Mmm, middagsförslag till ikväll kanske?)
3) I minnet: mina köttbullar som jag gjorde när jag var liten

Tre platser där jag helst skulle vilja vara just nu:

1) Hemma i mitt hus på Irland
2) Stugan
3) Där…

det dåliga humöret, som borde ha varit närvarande förra veckan med tanke på allt, visar sig nu och ganska bestämt. jag har ingen lust längre… efter några veckor då jag har haft energi och tyckt att saker har varit rätt okej, så skulle jag nu vilja flyta bort och ner under jorden.

det har varit ganska trevligt och roligt, men jag önskar nog att du aldrig hade nämnt det…

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Nah.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I don’t know. I don’t really want to change my name…

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Why?

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
None. Although I have one pair “kinda flip flops”, but a bit fancier.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
I have no idea?

Last person you talked to?
Kristina, saying that I want to answer all these questions aswell, hehe.

Last person you hugged?
Kristina.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

Season?
When I’m in Sweden, I’d say “spring-winter” (march-april), otherwise… I don’t know.

Holiday?
They are nice.

Day of the week?
Friday, or Saturday maybe…

Month?
Hmm, good questions. Every month except November?

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone?
Yes.

Mood?
Surprisingly okey. A bit relieved. Tired.

What are you listening to?
Voices and mumbles from people around me here at work.

Watching?
My screen. Johan who just came by, asking about QuickSync, uhh.

Worrying about?
Work abit, but trying to ignore that right now actually. Some other things, but I think they will be alright.

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning?
Bathroom I think.

What’s the last film you saw?
Ehh, I don’t know. But I watch some Alias this morning…

Do you smile often?
On and off.

Sleeping Alone Tonight?
Yes.

***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************

1) Do you always answer your phone?
Well, my job is to answer the phone, so I have to. I try to answer my mobile aswell if that one is ringing…

2) Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Hehe…

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I like my eye colour!

4) What flavour do you add to your drink?
Huh?

5)Do you own a digital camera?
Yes.

6)Have you ever had a pet fish?
No, but I know one who has one…

7) Favorite Christmas song(s)?
I don’t know. I like them during Christmas, not apart from that.

8) What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
I just had my birthday, I haven’t made another wish list.

9) Can you do push ups?
No, haha.

10) Can you do a chin up?
As Kristina said: “Don’t even know what that is…”

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Both, and nothing at all at sometimes.

12) Do you have any saved texts?
Oh yes.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
No.

14) Do you have an accent?
Not really…

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
I cried a bit to a song a while ago, but I don’t remember which one…

16) Plans tonight?
Playing some wow, eating food with Hannah and Kristina maybe.

17)Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes…

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Nothing actually. Or, sorry! Coffee.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
Yes.

20) Current worry?
Since I’m ignoring work, I’d say… nothing.

21) Current hate right now?
To qoute myself: “why spend energy on hating someone I don’t even like?”

22) Met someone who changed your life?
Yes, several people. Both in positive and negative ways…

23) How will you bring in the New Year?
Hehe, I have no idea.

24) What song represents you?
No idea. Any one who wants to give a suggestions?

25) Name three people who might complete this.
I don’t care really?

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Maybe. Can I decide to when?

27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No.

28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
In my ears. Three of them, all in all.

29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
How would I know?

30) Does anyone love you?
I certainly hope so!

31) Would you be a pirate?
Nah…

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don’t sing at all. Or well, hardly ever at least.

33) Ever had someone sing to you?
I don’t know?

34) When did you last cry?
I don’t remember. Memories a bit unclear… But a friend said that I cried two weeks ago when I was really, really drunk. Don’t know if I have been crying since then…

36) Do you like to cuddle?
Yes ^^

37) Have you held hands with anyone today?
Kristina, when we went downstairs to get coffee for me and a muffins for Kristina.

38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
No idea to be honest… I don’t use my camera as much as I wish I did.

39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
I’m not sure when I was in elementary school.

40) Do you believe in staying close with your ex’s/prospects?
I still live and work together with my ex… So hopefully. And I have still contact with some other of them…

41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
New, definately. But they are actually getting “older”… I seem to be able to keep friends, yay for me.

42) Do you like pulpy orange juice?
No way.